Folks call me Sloppy Joe. Wanna know why? Well jus’ keep readin’ an I reckon I’ll tell ya.
See, what I do is run the security cameras in this here library… only this ain’t no reglar library and this ain’t no reglar security gig. Most times, when you’re in charge of security and you see somethin’ bad goin’ down, you put a stop to it or you call the cops or somethin’ like that… but allz I gotta do is jus’ keep the cameras rollin’. I don’t stop nothin’… I don’t call nobody… I just make sure everythin’ gets recorded. The only thing my bosslady Ms. Pryor really cares about is makin’ sure that nothin’ happens in this here library without her knowin’ about it and gettin’ it all on tape.
Why? Hell if I know... She pays me so much money it ain’t even funny. I ain’t askin’ no questions. That’s the other thing I gotta do: Keep my trap shut and don’t tell nobody what I done seen.
And believe you me, I done seen plenty!
Fact is, if I’da known all the crazy stuff I’d be seein’ and sometimes doin’ in this here library I’da let Ms. Pryor hire me for nothin’.
See, I got microcameras planted all over this here library. Half the pictures you been lookin’ at come from my little toys. I got’em everwhere… and I do mean EVERWHERE… Got thirty-two of ‘em in the downstairs ladies room alone. You wouldn’t believe the stuff that people will do when they think there ain’t nobody lookin’.
Well I’m lookin’ everwhere and I’m lookin’ all the time.
This job ain’t all jus’ one big peep show neither… Ever now and then I like to gets my hands dirty, if’n you know what I’m sayin’. A feller can’t look at pie all day and not wanna cut off a slice or two fer his self.
Now I know I might not look like much to you… and maybe I don’t dress all fancy or drive no souped up racin’ car or nothin’, but lookie hear… ever since I done took this job I been gettin’ more ass than a toilet seat! I don’t know what it is ‘bout this place, but somethin’ shor does get the ladies all hot an’ bothered. Must be somethin’ in the water. I don’t know and I don’t care… all I know is that I ain’t never seen so many wet panties in my entire life as I seen in a week workin’ here.
You know, once most gals get their engines revved up, they ain’t so picky about whose meat pole they want to take fer a ride. That’s why they call me Sloppy Joe... I always know how to get ‘em when they’re wet an’ ready.
Oh, and my name is Joe, too... so there's that.
See, the trick to any feller gettin’ a fine piece of ass is waitin’ until he’s in the right place at the right time… An’ since up here in the control room I can see pretty much everthin’ as it goes down, I always know exactly where and when the right time and place is…
Take these two gals fer instance… they been goin’ at it for almost three hours and them ropes ain’t gettin’ any looser. Now if I know Ms. Kent, I’m sure she was havin’ a grand ol’ time at first… but after three whole hours of slippin’ and bumpin’ and grindin’ those girls gotta be gettin’ pretty sore.
What do you think them two would be willin’ to do right ‘bout now if I were to happen along at this very moment and offer to save the day… if they’d be kind enough to do a little somethin’ fer me in return?
As soppin’ wet as them two are, I’ll bet they both end up just a beggin’ to slob on my knob… an’ I reckon ol’ Sloppy Joe won’t be sayin’ no to that!
Like I says… right place, right time…
Yessir, this here’s the best job ever!
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